im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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