it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
