the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
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