So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Randomize
