Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
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