Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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