u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
