toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
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