I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Randomize
