Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
