Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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