i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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