sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
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