Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Randomize
