I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
