he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
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