so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Just took my morning after pill in the library
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
