I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Boobs are out for the taking
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Randomize
