Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
