you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Randomize
