My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
