Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
