after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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