i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
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The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
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I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
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