how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
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