So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Sorry my hands just texted you
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I'm just crazy horny about you
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
