The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
