sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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