Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
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