dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
True strength comes from lack of pants
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
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