and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Randomize
