saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Randomize
