You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize
