Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
