6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Randomize
