Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
