I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.