Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Randomize
