we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Randomize
