Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Can you bring me the toilet please
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
