I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
