He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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