Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
