My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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