No awkward lesbian experiences without me
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Randomize
