Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
