Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
