So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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