He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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