sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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