I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
