Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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