why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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