I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Did you read the article making fun of the right wing extremists? How they organized this 'tea party', and to propagate it they would mail teabags to their senators? And it became a verb...they had posters saying 'teabag obama!' yeah...
A message to Mrs Obama perhaps?
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
