yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
i wish my penis had a tongue
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Tornado booty call.. dedication
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I didn't notice because vodka
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Randomize
