At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
