my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
