Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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